BLOGGERS BREAK

For anybody who does not live in the UK I’d like to start by telling you it’s a glorious day of 32 degrees right now, and I will probably melt. But what I’m really here for today is just to let you all know, I will be having a bloggers break for a month or two. It’s going to be kind of sad as I love to write, but I really need to focus on my job right now, going to the gym, and keeping positive. It’ll be good as I can have some time to think of some new material. I just have so much going on at the minute that the creativity part of the brain has just shut down, and writing is making me stressed and more frustrated than anything.

I will be making lifestyle changes to rid me from negative energy and can put me on the path of happiness. I am sick to death of having to live in the captivity of my own mind. I just find it hard to motivate myself as one side of me really wants to change, but the other half is just fighting against it. I will always start something to better my life, and then just find excuses as to why I should stop doing it after a while. But this time I need to be as motivated as possible, because I will never be free unless I change myself. I’m not going to lie, I’ve become a bit of a slob, my room is a mess, I eat too much shit, I drink way too much, some mornings I don’t even bother to shower. Now I know this isn’t the whole blame to why I am down, but I definitely think these things contribute. I think I’ve just got lazy, and that is starting to spread across into the rest of my life. I’m starting to get lazy around friends, family, only thinking of myself. It needs to stop, and I want to make necessary arrangements with myself for targets and goals on why I believe can contribute into making my life a little happier

1. Clean bedroom from top to bottom, not just putting junk in a pile somewhere else in the room, or just clean the main bits, I mean the whole god damn room
2. Stop avoiding the gym, and go twice a week like I originally planned, I can’t just sit at home and moan about the way I look without doing anything about it
3. Shower every day without fail, instead of that extra fifteen minutes sleep, I don’t really perspire so I don’t tend to smell, but even so, it has to be done
4. Try some different foods once in a while, I can’t always eat the same thing every time I go out and not try anything ever, I will never get to travel the world and experience new things if I’m restricted in what I eat
5. Stop being so bitchy, instead of having something bad to say about someone have something good to say instead
6. Stop smoking cigarettes and weed, to save money and also I find weed makes me so unmotivated and I’m really sure it doesn’t help especially with the way I have been thinking and feeling
7. Make more time to spend with my family instead of going out every night
8. Paying back all the money owed out, because the stress of having debt on my back is stressing me no end, the quicker I pay it back the quicker I can start saving
9. Once all money is paid back start saving, and save a lot, cant plan for the future on penny’s
10. Get driving lessons done, first I will need money, but make this a priority, for my own independence I need a car, I need to be able to get about and do what I want
11. Stop fabricating stories to make your life seem more interesting
12. Start spending money more wisely and stop spending it on shit that I just don’t need, it’ll only be me who will suffer in the end
13. Learn to cook proper meals, how am I ever going to move out if I don’t know how to cook
14. Same goes for cleaning, I must learn how to use all the appliances in the house, and maybe even help with some household chores
15. When at home don’t just watch TV from the minute I get in till the minute I go to bed, go for a jog, bake something, do anything really
16. Meditate to be at peace with yourself, just to take a few moments in the day to reflect on it, instead of spending all day over analyzing every situation that has occurred
17. To make sure I am in bed at a decent time Monday-Thursday, it’s hard enough getting up at 6:30am with a good night’s sleep let alone a bad one.

There are a billion and one other things I could add to this list, but these are the main focus at the beginning of my journey. When I have some inspiration I promise I’ll be back, and it will be bigger and better, but for now, laters.

Love and Kisses

BECAUSE YOU’RE AMAZING.

I wish my boyfriend knew what a great person he his, and how lucky I am to have him for myself. I think sometimes people get so wrapped up in bad thinking that they forget how amazing they truly are, a couple of bad decisions can’t change that, the way you look can’t change that, I wish everyone wasn’t so bothered about what is on show on the outside, and that it’s all about what your insides show about you. Not in a gross ‘your guts are spilling all over the pavement’ inside, but who you actually are as a person. My boyfriend is so kind, funny and thoughtful, he makes me feel super special, and I can count on him to be there when I need him. He makes me so happy, its like when I am not with him my life is in black and white, but when we are together everything bursts into vibrant colours, and life is good again. We have a bit of a weird relationship, I’ll be the first to admit it, but I wouldn’t change him for the world. I have always assumed that I would be on my own forever, because I am a bit crazy, and I had a pretty precise criteria, and then he came along, and that all changed, I changed, I am only a mere shell of my former self, and sometimes I think it’s a bad thing, I have become weak, I have become too trusting, but other times I’m glad I’ve opened myself up to this side of me, because I feel like I can finally be happy with who I am, and it’s taken me forever to get to this point. I don’t have to pretend anymore, he accepts me for who I am, and I love him for that, but I love him even more for who he is, I am so proud and grateful to have him by my side.

Love and Kisses

10 FIRST DATE RULES

1. Talk about yourself to much, nothing is worse than someone going on about their life in story form, keep information short, mix it up a bit, learn something about them in-between, don’t sit there and read them a novel on your life.
2. Tell embarrassing stories, a slight embarrassing one is fine, but a super embarrassing story that could totally put them off you needs to be kept to yourself, save that one for later, it’s not first date appropriate, you could blow the whole deal.
3. Be cringe, no one really appreciates a cringe chat up line, it can put people off, compliment away, but try to be cheesy, or crude on that note. There is nothing worse than a compliment like ‘I like your tits’
4. Get to competitive, if your first date involves some kind of sport, there is nothing worse than meeting someone for the first time and them acting like it’s a fight to the death situation, it’s supposed to be fun, not a competition.
5. Dress inappropriately, ladies no little tops and a mini skirt, and men please avoid tracksuits. You want to make a good impression, you don’t want them to thing you’re easy (unless you’re meeting solely for a quick shag) or that you couldn’t be bothered to get dressed for the day.
6. Be afraid to ask questions, try and keep them general, don’t be invasive on their lives, it’s a first date so you don’t need their whole relationship history on a plate, but it’s nice to get to know them better so don’t treat it like a police interview.
7. Run off to the toilet to have sex, this may seem odd, but I would say it happens a lot more than you may think. Maybe it was just me but still, don’t do it, it’s so awkward and that will likely be the last date and the first of many fumbles, which is great if that’s what you were looking for.
8. Talk about an ex. Do I need to say anymore? No, no, NO.
9. This one is for the men; eye contact, if a girl decides to show a bit of cleavage, the worst thing you can do is keep staring at it all night, barley making any visual on her face, it’s kind of embarrassing and super rude, a cheeky look here and there wouldn’t go a miss, but you don’t need to watch them like they are going to run of to Spain without your permission.
10. Ladies; I know men are supposed to pay, but at least offer, just because you have a pair of tits doesn’t mean it’s you prerogative to get a free meal. 99% of time, they will pay anyway, but thirsty bitches be taking the piss. You don’t need a man to support you financially.

Other things to remember:

1. Make sure your skirt is not tucked into your knickers after going to the bathroom
2. Check for food in teeth
3. Don’t sit on your phone the whole time, put it away and stop being unsociable
4. Don’t be rude to the waiter, no one likes arrogance on a first date
5. Try not to drink to much (I don’t mean one drink, I mean get drunk, but not to the point of being carried out of there)
6. Have an arrangement with your friend for them to call you with some sort of emergency if the date is going down the shitter

Stalk all social media before you go, so you can think of conversation topics, also check if they are in a cult or a crazy serial killer, better to be safe than sorry.

Love and Kisses

DESTINED TO BE UNHAPPY

Sometimes I feel like my whole life is a lie, I have this front that I’m this happy-go-lucky kind of girl that doesn’t give a fuck, when inside I am dying. Every day is a constant battle for happiness. I think I convince myself that I happy way more than I actually am. It’s like my mind doesn’t want me to be happy, it dwells on the past, or anxious about the future, I find it so hard to live in the now. I have recently been trying a spiritual enlightenment book to free my mind of obsessive thinking, but it doesn’t seem to want to break the barrier, and it’s my own fault it can’t be broken. I feel like I’m trapped in my own mind and there is no escape. I drown in my own thoughts, it suffocates me on a daily basis. Do you know how hard it is to live your life when you feel like you’re being suffocated? I know my friends and family try to help, but the problem is all in my head, it’s something I need to do, alone. But I’m just sick of fighting it on my own, it’s a never ending battle, and I’m exhausted. I’m sick of being drained from my own thoughts, I’m sick of feeling sorry for myself, I’m sick of thinking everyone is out to get me, and I’m sick of feeling like I can’t accomplish anything. Maybe I’m not strong enough to fight, I just worry for my future, what if I can’t do it anymore?  The day I give up, is the day my mind completely takes over and I just can’t allow that. I’ve been there, it’s a dark place I never want to go back too. Perhaps that’s where I belong. I thought arguing with a friend was hard, nowhere near as hard as fighting with your own mind. Maybe I was destined to be unhappy.

Love and Kisses

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 5 FINALE, MOTHERS MERCY

*CONTAINS SPOILERS*

Well last night’s Game of Thrones has pretty much ruined my life, I’m even starting to think that the reason that I’m in such a shitty mood today is because I’m still healing from that traumatising episode. What I can say is that Game of Thrones is consistent with their cliff-hangers and grizzly deaths didn’t disappoint apart from one, but hey, at least they are consistent.

Sorry Stannis, but you got what you deserved, and even though I have watched your struggles, and was rooting for you to make it season 6, you threw it all out the window, when you made the decision to burn your 10 year old loving daughter to death. I thought the screams were going to stop, but they didn’t, and in that moment I decided I hated him, and he had to die. Luckily for me, I only had to wait one more episode to see his final suffering. Talk about having the worse day ever, because his day went from shit to well.. shit. His army were right to fuck off and take the horses, how can you follow someone knowing that they are capable of burning their own daughter alive. Then he found his wife hanging from a tree, obviously couldn’t live with herself for condemning her daughter to death, once again, good. I’m not being funny, but she only wanted to save her daughter when it was too late, and there was the problem, you were too late. I mean how can you call burning her alive ‘a good thing’ so sorry love, you deserve to be dead too. Things only got worse for Stannis from there really, the red haired bitch fucked off, and his siege didn’t go to plan, when they were outnumbered by the surrounding Bolton’s, it was more of a Massacre than a war. After successfully stabbing up two of the Bolton army who were ‘finishing people off’ with a glimmer of hope that the rightful heir to the throne may live to tell the tale, along came Brianne, being loyal to her former king Renley, she took the opportunity to take that daughter burning bastard’s head off. So thank you Brianne, thank you for giving him the end he deserved. To be fair those harrowing screams have scarred me, every time I think of him now I will think of those screams and rejoice in his death.

The awkward moment when Jamie tried to tell Myrcella that he was her real father, unbeknown to him that she already knows, and says she is happy that he is her father (kind of gross, because he is also supposed to be your uncle, but you know Game of Thrones, they love a bit of incest) only for her to die in his arms after being poisoned by the super-bitch from Dorne.

Arya turned into a psycho, she looked as if she could be in a horror film, but kudos to her, that sick perverted son of a bitch that grizzly death was fully justified, and if it wasn’t her, it would have me to gouge out his eyes and stab him to death, no one likes a paedophilic cunt, which is in the nicest way possible, the only way to describe this vile man. Unfortunately Arya should have known by now that one is in Game of Thrones is ever up on their luck, and she too followed this pattern, the life was not hers to take and she is now subsequently blind, well that teaches you for not being ready, the many faced gods must not be happy, but I am, I can sleep well knowing I will never have to see Ser Meryn Trant whipping or even touching another helpless child again.

I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who was extremely happy that Reek (formerly Theon) pushed that little rat bag, Myranda from such a height, she has to be a fellow Satanist if she’s on Ramsay Bolton’s good books. Why would you want to help such a sick bastard, she was clearly twisted and belonged in a puddle of her own blood 100ft down. But the question is after jumping from the castle, will Reek and Sansa survive, if they made the drop, will they be able to escape Ramsay’s evil clutches, and don’t you think it was about time that both of them had a break from pain and torture. Seriously, Sansa went from one sick son of a cunt to another, I just want to see her happy, but then again this is Game of Thrones so I doubt it.

Cersei finally got her comeuppance, after confessing her sins to the high sparrow, as her atonement she is forced to walk through the city but naked, in a walk of shame manner. Well it certainly was a walk of shame, and I think that was made clear by the twat behind her ringing a bell and saying same every thirty seconds. From what I can tell it was a long old walk back to her castle and the people of Kings Landing certainly took the opportunity to kick a bitch when she is down, not only were they calling her names like ‘bitch ‘cunt’ ‘slag’ which no offence, but she kind of is, they also took the opportunity to throw food, piss, shit and even spit in her face. That must have been so embarrassing for her, for a second I almost felt sorry for her then I remembered what a bitch she has been, and I still couldn’t forgive her for the fact that she gave birth to Joffery and didn’t drown him. When safely home she was greeted, and then in comes ‘The Mountain’ who seems to be up and running again, I don’t really know where the Frankenstein idea came from, but I’m  excited what they will be up to in the future. The truth is now she has survived this ordeal, she’s going to need to get some revenge, and I’m sure the Mountain will be happy to help.

Tyrion now seems to be in charge of Maureen, since that epic scene of Daenerys hopping on her dragons back and flying of in to the distance, both her lovers have gone to find her as she still has not returned. It’s a great opportunity for Vary’s to rock up just in time to help Tyrion the ruler. Daenerys didn’t look like she was having a great time out in the sticks, Drogon is injured and has made it very clear that the Mother of Dragons needs to back off, he just wants to nap, but this is Game of Thrones not the tweenies, there is no time to rest as Daenerys and her dragon are surround by what looks like hundreds and thousands of Dothrakis, the real question here is will she once again be their Khaleesi or will she butchered? I guess we will have to wait another year to find out.

Finally, Jon Snow. My handsome warrior. I have been rooting for this long haired God since the beginning, and in true Game of Thrones style he has been murdered. I really connected with his character, always trying to do what’s best for him and everyone around him, but the thing about having a loving heart is that it makes you weak, and unfortunately Jon met the end like the rest of the Starks, with Knives and brutality. I was gutted to say the least, no more eye candy. No more of seeing Jon know nothing. I can’t believe he has survived all these wars and sieges, and even killed a White Walker, to then get stabbed up by his own men. As he lay there in a pool of blood on the floor, after that little shit Ollie took the last stab, my eyes welled up, and to be honest, I think I’ll actually miss him. He was a great leader, a great piece of meat for me to perv on, and a great brave character for us all to fall in love with. Jon Snow we will miss you.

Love and Kisses

2 YEAR BLOGSIVERSARY

So I guess this is my two year blogging anniversary. And look how far I have come. It’s weird to think I had a completely different life back then, I was convinced I would be single forever, I had a different job, I had a different group of friends, I was also, very blonde. Now I’d have myself believe I have become this much better person who is wise, and drinks fancy coffee, but that would be a lie. I’m still sarcastic moody me, and I love that, at least I’m consistent, to say the least. But the real question is what have I learnt?

1. No matter how weird you think you are, someone out there will love you for that reason
2. The ‘impossible’ thought of me finding love, is actually possible
3. The price of cigarettes will probably keep going up till the day I die
4. Not everyone will see things from my point of view, and I need to accept that
5. Fighting is never the answer
6. 99% of blokes will remain prevents till their last breath
7. Being an older sister is an important job in itself
8. Being in a relationship isn’t that much hard work
9. When you’ve hit rock bottom, there is always a way up
10. Envying what someone has/the way they look will only bring you down
11. Always make time for the people you call your true friends
12. You can’t always ‘plan ahead’
13. Complaining only makes the task longer
14. Busses aren’t the worst thing in the world, and they definitely are not the devils transport
15. Family is so important
16. Finding a fuck to give is hard when you don’t care
17. Life isn’t all about money and partying hard
18. Compromise is the best solution to most problems
19. Not to pretend to like people I don’t actually like
20. Being a fully-fledged adult sucks

So basically what I’m trying to say is, over the last two years I’ve probably learned a lot, but when I sit and think about it I feel as if I have learned nothing. I’m not even close to being the same person I was two years ago, I’ve matured (so I like to think) but I would say the thing that I’ve learned that is most important to me is that I’ve learned to love someone other than myself, and thanks to my boyfriend I have learned that I can achieve anything if I try. In the last two years, my family, friends etc. have really supported me and made me into a (kind of) better person, not a great person, I would say barely even decent, but I’m getting there. Maybe in two years’ time I may even be a bit closer to being the princess I was destined to be.

Love and Kisses