So today I had my first gym class. I joined yesterday, probably not the best idea as I don’t even have a job to pay for my membership but oh well fuck it. I was planning to start before I lost it, at least it will give me something to do while I’m on the job hunt. The doctors recommended the gym as a stress release and also to keep my mind off the billion things I worry about

I almost didn’t make it, today was a 45 minute spin class. Around 10 minutes before the end I almost gave up. But I powered through and I’m still standing. Now i’d just like to point out that I don’t exercise, ever. I don’t walk anywhere I live a cab life. So this one class was an actual achievement for me. I did join a gym about a year ago, it was a bit shitty, and they held no classes. Which meant I got lazy, when it got a bit tough I would stop, but I find when you’re in a class you don’t have the opportunity to give up as there is the instructor motivating you and not letting you give up, which is what I need. 

The gym is awesome, it’s like a nightclub, loud music, they even have live DJs in the evening. All the equipment is new, which means no grubby broken apparatus. I mean they even have sky on the running machines, what more could you want.

My ultimate goal is to look like a Victoria Secret model. It’s for toning, not for losing weight, If I lost anymore I’d be see through. I am so weak, so I want to build up my body strength. Abs and a fat ass is what I’m really working towards though. My boyfriend won’t be able to keep his hand off me.. And I’ll have the strength to push him away. So here’s to having the body of your dreams and too looking good naked.

Anything is achievable if you put your mind to it, and never give up.. Even if you are sweating your tits off! 

Love and Kisses 


The best kind of therapy has to be retail. I mean my psychiatrist is great and everything, but she can’t make me feel the way I feel when I buy myself sexy underwear or any addition to my wardrobe. It’s a different kind of happy. I suppose going shopping is probably not the best thing to do the day after you have been fired. But while I have money I thought I’d buy a few new items, trying to make it plausible by saying I can wear them to interviews, but really they’re  for a drunk Friday night me. 

I can’t wait to get home lay my new clothes on the floor and roll around on them, throwing them in the air like they are hundred dollar bills. I like my money where I can see it, in my wardrobe. If I was to ever get poor I’d be able to sell some of clothes and make a fortune, I have so many, I’m a bit of a clothes hoarder, to put things in perspective- I still have clothes age 12-13 and I’m 21 now. To be fair, now I’ve said it and thought about it, even if I was poor I still wouldn’t sell my stuff, so at least I can be poor with a kick ass wardrobe! 

I guess the only option I have now is to become a stripper. Which is fine as I also have a wardrobe for this. I will start my job hunt on Monday, it’s still a bit raw, and I want to spend this weekend drowning my sorrows, figure out what I’m good at and what I actually want too do. I don’t know how much more of doing a job that I hate I can take. So this weekend as well as putting on my drinking cap, I’ll also be putting on my thinking one too.

Love and Kisses


When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch. When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch. When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts, do things my way, they call me a bitch. Being a bitch means I won’t compromise what’s in my heart. It means I live my life my way. It means I won’t allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I’m defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone’s maid or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won’t become anyone else’s idea of what they think I should be. I’m outspoken, opinionated, and determined. I want what I want and there’s nothing wrong with that so try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash ever ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won’t succeed. And if that makes me a bitch, so be it.

Love and Kisses


So how mean is this. I have been signed off work for two weeks, get back today and they fire me. With these lame ass excuses like snooping my social media, they said that spending time with my sister, baking, chilling with me dog and taking pictures of myself at home was inappropriate use of my time. I am so angry. But then again I didn’t like it there anyway, so it gives me the kick I need to get a new job. What a relief.

Love and Kisses


I hate people who wear them ‘Baby on Board’ badges. What is the need to announce to everyone that you’re up the duff. Are they just making sure they don’t just get mistaken for being fat? Is it for the sympathy vote. I just don’t get it. No one cares that you’re preggers. I’ve got thrush, you don’t see me wearing a badge announcing it to everyone on the street. Chuck them in a bun you weirdos.

Love and Kisses



It’s been a long two weeks off work. It has been a bit of a struggle, but I’m feeling pretty good now and I’m ready to go back. I had a bit of a breakdown, but have filled my two weeks off with positive things, like baking, dog walks, an 80th birthday, going to a midwife appointment with my best friend and hearing the baby’s heartbeat. Of course a few little trips to see my baby sister, it’s impossible to be sad around her. 

I’m kind of excited to return back to life. It was like a little vacation from the dull aspects of my day to day life. It was nice to have some time too work on myself and have some me time. But there is only so much time you can have off before you start to get bored.

I’d like to thank my amazing family, friends and boyfriend for supporting me and being there for me at my hour of need. It’s nice to know you have the love and support of the people around them when you need them.  I’d like to thank my work for being so understanding  because I’ve had so much time off and hate rinsing it but there is nothing I can do, the doctors didn’t think I was capable and neither did I to be honest. It’s helped so much I’ve found ways to deal with my anxiety and been stress free for two weeks, I’ve caught up on sleep, I’m keeping a positive attitude, I feel like I am on the road to recovery and I’m feeling good.

Love and Kisses