MOVING AWAY

So my dad, step mum and baby sisters, are all going to up and leave me. My step mum is American, and she wants to go back to the states, to put the baby through school, and for career purposes. She has scarified a lot, she has lived here for over 10 years, so that my dad can stay in contact with my brother and I.

When I was little we used to visit every other weekend, it used to be great. we had quite a lot of rules at our house, so going to ‘dads house’ was our chance of freedom, we could stay up late, use the computer as much as we wanted, and watch TV till our faces went blue. When we were old enough to decide when we wanted to go, I stopped going. I don’t know why, probably because I was lazy and the was at the time, hassle for me as we lived in the suburbs and they lived in central London.

 I lived with them for a year, back in my final year of school. I always felt that they never had me there out of choice, and I bet they wished I hadn’t interrupted there quiet life. Personally living there really helped me grow up, they were dedicated to my school work and ensuring that I got good grades, which I appreciate, as things like GCSE’s will follow you for the rest of your life when applying for jobs. At the time they didn’t have children, so me living there was there first taste of living with a teenager.

After I moved out to live back at home with my mum, I didn’t see them for a while, I felt like they had had enough of me and dealing with my shit. Then they sprung the exciting news on me that my step mum was pregnant, and they were having a baby. I was overjoyed. I could be a big sister again. Its different, having a new born sister when your young to when your in your twenties. Yes, there is almost a 20 year age gap, but I like it that way.

The baby was born, and I fell in love with her. We were a happy family once again. She had brought us closer, and I felt like this time they actually loved me too.  I take the big sister role very seriously, I do the same for my teenager sister also. I looked after the baby, when my parents had to go work, I saw her weekly to watch her grow. It was a beautiful time in my life. I mean, it still is, I don’t really have time for weekly visits, but I do go as often as I can. We have a bond, and I can see that she loves me, as much as I love her.

She is about 16 months old now, as she has got older she has got more affectionate, and is always giving me kisses and cuddles. She can walk, sing and knows various words and signs. I love spending time with her. And now all of this talk of them going back to the states to live there life, breaks my heart. I will barely get to see her, what if she forgets about me? What if we lose our connection? they are looking at apartments, and jobs out there, and I pretend to be happy, but deep down inside It pains me to know that they are going to leave me, and this life behind. Maybe I’m being selfish, I only wish the best for them..

Love and Kisses

 

 

CATMANIA

MEOW.

I am 100% going to be a crazy cat lady when I’m older. I’m cat obsessed. I have to cats of my own, at my dad we’ve always had cats. I love them they are so cute.

When I sit on my doorstep every night there is a group of cats that come and sit with me to get a stroke and a cuddle. If I’m walking in the street random cats always run over to me. I’m like a cat magnet. Everywhere I go there following me. Maybe it’s because I was supposed to be born a cat. I wish I was a cat, I could be so lazy all day and look at people judgingly like cats do. I’d get to play when I want, sleep when I want and get attention when i want. It would be great.

I have even booked a table at London’s first cat cafe. It’s where you go and have lunch and then chillout in a room with a bunch of cats. Sounds super creepy I know, but it’s my kind of day out. I’m so excited to relax and give out lots of belly rubs. I’m taking my mum, cats aren’t really her thing, so it was nice of her to make the effort.

I can’t escape cats, I have cats on my clothing, cats on my accessories, cat jewellery. I have the whole bloody range do cat items. I’m actually a cat enthusiast, it’s pathetic.

Love and Kisses

UNSOCIABLE BITCH

Here are seven signs that you are an unsociable bitch:

When plans get cancelled instead of making new plans you rejoice and do your ‘winning’ dance. Bed was a better plan anyway.

When you see someone you know in the street, and you cross to the other side to avoid any kind of human contact.

You turn your iMessage off, so it looks like you can only receive texts, making the sender think your phone off. Therefore you don’t have to reply.

When your friends ask you to do something, you tell them you’re busy.. And by busy you mean laying in bed watching netflix.

Texting someone in the same room as you, because you can’t be bothered to waste your air and effort to actually talk to them.

Using the self-checkout at a supermarket to avoid any pointless conversations with the cashier.

You don’t answer the phone when someone calls, but when they say they’ve rang you, you pretend you never got a call in the first place.

I am seriously unsociable, I pretty much do all of these at least three times I day. I’m surprised I even have friends!

Love and Kisses

WEEKEND WORK

One of the downfall’s of my job is that I’m contracted to work three out of four weekends. It is seriously the worst. I’m a twenty something year old girl, I don’t want to spend my weekend slaving away at my desk. The shifts I usually get are so inconvenient, they are either really early in the morning, or late at night.. Either way it’s a lose lose situation, as I can’t go out whatever happens.

I need to find a normal 9-5 job. I don’t know how many more weekends I can miss out on. I just want to hang out with my boyfriend, and go out with my friends. Weekends are made for getting white gal wasted, not sitting at a desk contemplating sticking pens in both eyes.

It kind of sucks when all my friends have plans and I can’t join in, or they tell me about there really great night out that missed out on. If I have an early start or know I won’t have enough sleep, I avoid going out. It’s not being boring, it’s called being responsible. I work in the healthcare profession and I would never want to be put in a position where my hangover decisions could put a patients life at risk.

This weekend all I wanted to do was hang out with my boyfriend but have had such a bad set of shifts. It’s unfair. Life is unfair. I am currently looking for a new job, it’s not as easy as it looks. I won’t give up though, I have to be persistent. After working all week, the thought of working the weekend also makes me so depressed.

I can’t really say I enjoyed my 6am start, this morning. It was a bit brutal to be honest. I should be out drinking wine, not having an early night. I should be coming home at 4:30am not getting up for work at 4:30am. Especially not on a Sunday.

Love and Kisses

NEW WARDROBE PLEASE.

It’s time for a new wardrobe, the weather is slowly beginning to change, and I need a new look. I am so potless right now and can’t go shopping. It is so infuriating, shopping is by far my favourite thing to do. I love going to buy new clothes and the feeling after of having new clothes. It’s important to always update your wardrobe.

To be fair I never get rid of anything unless it doesn’t fit, which is never as I still fit into my 12-13 kids clothing. I really struggle to part with my items. I have a serious spending problem when it comes to buying dresses, the issue here is that i will buy a dress and I’ll only wear it once, then it will sit in my wardrobe never to be worn again, unless someone borrows it.

I budget myself a shopping allowance each month, and try (and by try I mean fail) to stick with it. At one point last year i had shopping problems, I was going 4-5 days a week, spending ridiculous amounts of money on whatever I wanted. I wish I could do that right now. I sound like a such a spoilt brat.. I know.

I have lots of different looks, I’m not into just one particular style I swap it up, one day I’ll go from looking like creepy alternative chick to full blown princess. I dress to my mood, and I wear a lot of back, which is a sign to others not to talk to me because I feel like a moody bitch, so most days.

I can’t wait for a new summer wardrobe, summer clothes are my favourite, little shorts and dresses. Oh godness, I can’t wait for it to be hot. I want to invest in many jelly sandles and big lesbian boots this summer.

Please let me win the lottery to fund my addiction.

Love and Kisses

AM I AN ALCOHOLIC?

Am I an alcoholic? This is serious question I ask myself daily. What exactly is the criteria for falling into the ‘alcoholic’ category?

I love wine. I love wine when I’m stressed. I love wine when I’m happy. I love wine for any occasion really. Sometimes I don’t even need an excuse I’ll have a glass or five just because I can. Alcohol runs in my blood, my whole flipping family are borderline alcoholics, not the trashy kind, well sometimes.

Vodka used to be my drink, and plenty of it. But sometimes when you have too much of something you kind of go off it. Well that’s what happened to me and my beloved vodka. I’m not a big fan of white or red (unless that’s all there is.) Rose is my favourite, unfortunately like most things, do have some vile flavours floating about. So to find a wine that I actually enjoyed drinking, I had to try plenty. Like finding a man, you have to kiss loads of frogs before you find your prince.. For me it’s the same as finding a bearable wine. And after weeks of searching I finally found the one.

When I’m not drinking wine, I’m thinking of it. Is this the first signs of becoming an alcoholic, or is it just the fact that I love wine? Who knows only time will tell.

Love and Kisses

GETTING FIT

I want a perfect body as much as anybody else. But I find it so hard to get motivated to work out. Now I would never join a gym, because public humiliation isn’t my thing. Come on, the last time I went to the gym I had a full face of make up, and hair extensions in, you can only imagine how ridiculous I looked.

I’m not trying to get skinny, as I am too skinny for my own good, skinny in ‘doctors have to weight you monthly’ kind of way. So being thin has already been achieved. I want together toned. There is a massive difference between being skinny and being toned. The main item on my agenda is my bum.. I dream of having a perfect round, bum.. And squats is the only way to reach my goal.

Looking at all the celebrity women’s amazing body’s, should motivate me, but working out or ‘being fit’ is something I’ve never been interested in. I wouldn’t change my diet either. So maybe my goal may be a bit far fetched for such a couch potato.

I want to look good in a bikini, I want to look good when I get naked for my boyfriend, and in my tiny summer shorts. I think I might have to get off my ass and actually do something. I think my overused thought, throughout all of this is ‘I’ll start tomorrow’ if I don’t start today, I’m never going to do it. So on that note.. I’m off to get fit.

Love and Kisses